There is pain in hope
by TFALokiwriter
Summary: Sarek and Amanda at home during the events of the 30 minute time loop.


The first time Sarek experiences Michael's death, he is in light meditation. Then she is alive once more. The sudden phaser blast to the chest had been alarming. The second time Michael dies, Sarek is jerked out of his meditation. He had just felt the stinging pain from the side of his pain. Pain that belonged to Michael. She is alive a minute afterwards. The third time she dies, he is reading a novel regarding the theory of time loops. She had just died of a explosion. The fourth time she dies, he has finished reading the padd. She had died of electrocution. The fifth time she dies, he is sitting down at the table with his bondmate in the middle of dinner. The burning sansation was burning away slowly to his senses. She had been vaporized.

"Husband?" Amanda asked. "What is wrong?"

A part of his katra is gone and then it is back. His flinch was visible. The pain that he had experienced was being sent through their living, warm bond. It rippled through Sarek's being, disturbingly. She stood up from the chair then came over to Sarek's side placing a hand onto his shoulder. He can feel Michael's presence. A presence that could slip away again from his fingertips. And he wasn't there to stop her from leaving this plane of existence. Sarek was helpless.

"It is Michael," Sarek said. "She is trapped in a thirty minute time loop."

"A time loop?" Amanda repeated. "Aren't those highly debated among Vulcan scientists about the plausibility of their existence?"

"The debate was settled when Captain April's crew all reported various versions of their last hour in time loops," Sarek said. "it is quite fascinating how they manage to retain their memories of what had happened."

"We should inform Star Fleet of this development," Amanda said.

"No," Sarek said. "the ship would be declared missing and so would our ward. Missing in action." Amanda was resisting the temptation to roll an eye. She had became better at it during their long marriage together. "When clearly, she is not missing. She will eventually realize the repetition of events."

"I am not sure she will realize that in time," Amanda said.

"She is a very intelligent, capable human being," Sarek reminded her. "You and I raised her both ways."

"Both ways?" Amanda said. "I only recall the human way."

"Amanda, you are joking," Sarek pointed out. He tilted his head, unsure. "Or was that sarcasm?"

Amanda looked at her bondmate, affectionately, holding her two fingers out for the man.

"Niether can I," Amanda said. Sarek held out his two fingers then completed the ozh'esta. "How is our little girl doing?"

"Alive and well," Sarek replied. "I will request Michael personally inform you how she is after she gets out of the time loop."

"Why not after dinner?" Amanda asked.

"For all we know, she could be back at the beginning of the time loop," Sarek explained to his bondmate. "Engaging with a long distance mind meld will lead to her early demise if she is not alert to the events around her. Not logical to allow it to happen." Amanda sat back down into her sat. "Every second counts."

"But the pain," Amanda said.

"The pain I can tolerate," Sarek said. He picked up his fork. "Kaiidth."

* * *

Amanda slipped out of bed then came over to the computer. The room was dark and partially lit. The master bedroom wasn't entirely black on a given night. T'Khut's shadow allowed for it to seem like it was night when it was not. The blinds were down blocking the sight of space. Sarek would never admit that space was a very distressing sight to look at given Michael's current problem. There was guilt, regret, and shame all at the same time when he turned on the blinds for the night. He normally did not turn on the blinds when it came to retiring to bed. She wrote up a short message to her ward.

 _My dear Michael:_

 _You are stuck in a 30 minute time loop._

 _Your father is not fairing well from the pain it has been giving him._

 _Love, Amanda._

Amanda was not happy regarding her husbands current pain. She looked over toward the Vulcan who had layers of bed sheets covering his frame. When Sarek was resting, he flinched. A signal of the woman's death once again. She had done exactly as he had asked. Her shields were up in the family bond. In the middle of the same night thirty minutes after the first flinch, he bolted up sweating with one hand onto his shoulder. She had soothed the ambassador to sleep. She slipped back into bed once deactivating the computer. She wrapped her smaller, feeble hands around his own rubbing the side. The Vulcan was resting, purring like a happy cat. It was a endearing quality about the older man. She guided the Vulcan's dreams to a more pleasant one when _DEATH DEATHDEATHDEATHDEATH_! disturbed him.

The blinds to the bedroom rose up on schedule.

The shadow of T'Khut was slowly marching away from the landscape.

"Good morning, husband," Amanda greeted her bondmate.

"How long have you been awake, wife?" Sarek asked, noticing the bags under her eyes.

"Not enough," Amanda said, softly, stroking the side of his face. She came over toward the computer to check on her inbox.

"Amanda," Sarek said, as he slowly stood up from the bed. "I told you not to."

"I have to see if she got it," Amanda said.

"Amanda-" Sarek stopped, when the lighting on the outbox read '1' and inbox had several messages. Amanda stared at the screen until it changed back to '0'. Sarek came over toward her side. He was very familiar to how hope would hurt his bondmate. In twenty minutes, the '1' will be back. Amanda looked over toward her bondmate. "I have a program capable of unsending messages. Very helpful for mistakes. Do not torture yourself this way. That is not logical for a human."

"I am not the one torturing themselves over and over," Amanda said.

"A choice well made," Sarek said. Amanda looked over.

"Sarek," Amanda said.

"No," Sarek said.

"I am your wife," Amanda said. "you must lean on me. Your pain won't be bad as it is."

"You wish to share my pain?" Sarek asked. "Amanda, I will not allow you being harm-"

"I have dealt with your madness and I am still here," Amanda interrupted turning toward Sarek. She held her two fingers out for her husband. Sarek returned the gesture toward the woman. "Let me help."

"Your wish is my command," Sarek said. "Perhaps we should stroll through one of the botanical gardens this afternoon?"

"That will be pleasing," Amanda said, with a small smile toward the Vulcan as her two soft and small fingers wrapped around Sarek's green fingers.

* * *

Michael sat down into the chair in front of the computer. She typed in her comn terminal and logged into it to see one singular message. The past hour was quite, odd, per say. She let her hair loose onto her shoulders letting it be free. It helped her relaxed when she was off duty. Her hair band was on the table. She rubbed the side of her face. The stardate indicated it had been fourteen days, three hours, and twenty-three minutes since they had been in the time loop. The computer chimed indicating a new holo-live chat was ready to be started with . . .

 _Amanda Grayson._

Michael raised an eyebrow, half in alarm, and half in disbelief.

Perhaps Spock had contacted their mother regarding Michael's sudden disappearance, briefly, every thirty minutes. He was likely disturbed by it and perhaps a little bothered but not enough to investigate as she could take care of herself. She opened the message on the screen. Amanda's concerned, holographic face appeared on the flat screen.

"Michael," under Amanda's eyes were a pair of bags. "Welcome back. How are you?"

"I am fine," Michael said. The woman's hair was getting silver strands of gray. Almost like they were highlights rather than a natural part of aging. "mother, how are you?"

"I am in better spirits," Amanda said.

"And Sarek is not alarmed of your lack of sleep?" Michael tilted her head.

"He has been nagging me to take naps," Amanda said. She had a fond laugh.

"I can see that," Michael said.

"My girl in another time loop, on her second assignment," Amanda said. "Did it make your heart pound?"

"It was . . ." Michael paused. "Unique. In some aspects."

"Tell me about it," Amanda said.

"I have been told I died many times," Michael said. "I initially found that hard to believe."

"Sometimes you died before the thirty minute reset," Amanda said.

"Mother," Michael said.

"And this time, you're out of it," Amanda said. "One of my children is alive. No matter how short it is in a time of war."

Michael realized the implications the discussion she was sharing with her mother. Limited sleep could do a number on the human body. Vulcan physiology was not at all known at how repeatedly losing a part of their soul would do to a Vulcan's soul in a hourly interval. Spock didn't know. Sarek and Amanda were likely the only members of the family who knew. Sarek's voice was overheard in the background calling for her return, "Amanda, return to bed or I shall go the distance to ensure your beauty sleep has been returned."

The visual in Michael's head was apparent. Sarek glaring in her direction even as not much of a glare it would be, the stare would felt like a glare. The visual of Sarek in his long robe with his hands in his sleeves was strong. Michael briefly closed her eyes finding the image of Sarek, typical. For whatever reason Amanda hadn't been well rested, she must have cut back on the teaching hours at the Vulcan Learning Center due to her inability to sleep. The inability to sleep effected the ability to teach. For a moment, it became clear that Amanda had made sacrifices as she always did for her bondmate.

"We shall continue this discussion when you are fully rested," Michael said. Amanda smiled back, pleased, happily with a nod. "Live long and prosper." Michael gave the ta'al then cut-off the transmission as Tilly came into the shared bunker. Tilly crashed onto the bed and started to snore. Michael turned in the midshipman's direction raising an eyebrow at the unexpected crashing.

 **The End.**


End file.
